How Do You Know?
A few weeks ago, a group of good friends gathered to celebrate an anniversary. While enjoying a great dinner and excellent company, our conversation turned to topical events. When the subject of Charlie Sheen came up, I expressed two opinions - 1) that I was able to relate to nearly every attitude he had been quoted on regarding whether or not he was ashamed of his partying (he's not, I'm not - it happened) and 2) that his choices of how he was leading his life really had no impact on whether his life was of merit or not; that is to say that because he was focused on his own happiness and buzz was no different than the civic leader who performed innumerable acts of charity solely for the social status it brought them.
Opinion #1 came from hearing so many people speak about how miserable and sad Charlie Sheen must be. Their thoughts were those of someone who has not experienced "life on the bus," has not been driven to get higher than logic says is possible and who thinks that anyone who delves into such a world must do so out of desperation and misery. I'm here to tell you that you are missing the point entirely. I told them and I tell you that I think Charlie is having a HELL of a good time and that life is probably really good from his point of view right about now. For a person that enjoys being effed up, the combination of unlimited funds, friends to party with and a fairly good quality supply of dope, life doesn't get much better.
To start with, it isn't tomorrow that holds any allure for those of us that have lived (or are living) in this world. What is so great about tomorrow if today is going to suck? And today DOES suck if I have a chance to get totally wasted/high, be in a world no one else can describe or share fully but others on the same ride can 100% relate to and have all my worldly needs taken care of.
Which is to say, I have a place to hang, my belly isn't hurting from hunger and I AM EFFED UP.
The fact that the high is artificial and derives its power from power I (the user) cede to it matters not. It is really, really, really fun for those of us who want to ride the tiger. The ONLY reason I am still not riding that bus, tiger or train is because I found something I value more. I still don't give a flying f**k about your values.
Opinion #2 is tied to #1 in that YOUR values about what makes a life worthwhile is something that worries me not in the least. I have come to understand that my life and its value is not anything that a human being can place value on. Our purpose doesn't come from this life, its origin is beyond our control, our (natural) time here isn't our determination and how others regard us immaterial. For me, Life is about being in relationship with God, celebrating the blessings surrounding me (including Life and Awareness of His presence with me) and partaking in the intoxication which comes from this realization.
Any life lived apart from relationship with God is the same and of equal worth (or lack thereof), I expressed. It is only when one is in relationship with God that the Meaning of Life becomes apparent and perspective allows one to deal with "trials" accurately, I said.
The question which followed, posed by one of my better friends, has haunted me since that evening. "How do you know?" she asked. "How do you know you are in relationship with God?"
I have searched for the proper answer since she said it.
I'm not sure there is an answer that will satisfy the mind that demands proof on this question. In some ways, asking someone to prove faith is like attempting to push water. Something gets moved, but it doesn't much resemble what it was when the push started.
Instead, let's look at this from a different point of view.
Have you ever had a problem or challenge that the answer to was proving very elusive? You have spent much time contemplating this issue, working it over both in your conscious mind and your subconscious. It has occupied your thoughts for longer than you expected it would. All your training and experience has led you to believe that you ought to know this. You believe you should know it. Yet it isn't there- you don't know the answer. Until.
Maybe it happened while you slept. Or your mind had seemingly led the problem aside for a moment. Until.
Until you knew the answer to the problem - you knew the tactic to take to solve it. Or you finally identified what the root cause was and were able to plan the steps to resolve it. But suddenly, instantly and unquestionably, you knew. Many times we can't explain how we know - we just somehow know.
Consider beauty.
We can define beauty, we can talk about beauty. We can contrast the concept of beauty with ugly. We can give examples of what is considered beautiful, reciting what we have heard from others. But until we experience something beauty, it is only an abstract concept for us. A hollow world without tone or quality; it is something but it is not a part of our world. Yet.
But when we experience beauty (not just observe it), it changes everything about the word for us. Suddenly and eternally, beauty becomes a part of our life. Its absence is noticed, mourned. Its presence celebrated.
So, how do you know something is beautiful or creates beauty? Can you quantify it? Define it using absolutes? Create a definition for it that will allow one with no experience with it to read and then understand beauty?
Some things are simply known, in and of themselves, apart from the rules which seek to govern all the other aspects of our lives. And that is the absolute joy of faith, which can only be a gift.
Opinion #1 came from hearing so many people speak about how miserable and sad Charlie Sheen must be. Their thoughts were those of someone who has not experienced "life on the bus," has not been driven to get higher than logic says is possible and who thinks that anyone who delves into such a world must do so out of desperation and misery. I'm here to tell you that you are missing the point entirely. I told them and I tell you that I think Charlie is having a HELL of a good time and that life is probably really good from his point of view right about now. For a person that enjoys being effed up, the combination of unlimited funds, friends to party with and a fairly good quality supply of dope, life doesn't get much better.
To start with, it isn't tomorrow that holds any allure for those of us that have lived (or are living) in this world. What is so great about tomorrow if today is going to suck? And today DOES suck if I have a chance to get totally wasted/high, be in a world no one else can describe or share fully but others on the same ride can 100% relate to and have all my worldly needs taken care of.
Which is to say, I have a place to hang, my belly isn't hurting from hunger and I AM EFFED UP.
The fact that the high is artificial and derives its power from power I (the user) cede to it matters not. It is really, really, really fun for those of us who want to ride the tiger. The ONLY reason I am still not riding that bus, tiger or train is because I found something I value more. I still don't give a flying f**k about your values.
Opinion #2 is tied to #1 in that YOUR values about what makes a life worthwhile is something that worries me not in the least. I have come to understand that my life and its value is not anything that a human being can place value on. Our purpose doesn't come from this life, its origin is beyond our control, our (natural) time here isn't our determination and how others regard us immaterial. For me, Life is about being in relationship with God, celebrating the blessings surrounding me (including Life and Awareness of His presence with me) and partaking in the intoxication which comes from this realization.
Any life lived apart from relationship with God is the same and of equal worth (or lack thereof), I expressed. It is only when one is in relationship with God that the Meaning of Life becomes apparent and perspective allows one to deal with "trials" accurately, I said.
The question which followed, posed by one of my better friends, has haunted me since that evening. "How do you know?" she asked. "How do you know you are in relationship with God?"
I have searched for the proper answer since she said it.
I'm not sure there is an answer that will satisfy the mind that demands proof on this question. In some ways, asking someone to prove faith is like attempting to push water. Something gets moved, but it doesn't much resemble what it was when the push started.
Instead, let's look at this from a different point of view.
Have you ever had a problem or challenge that the answer to was proving very elusive? You have spent much time contemplating this issue, working it over both in your conscious mind and your subconscious. It has occupied your thoughts for longer than you expected it would. All your training and experience has led you to believe that you ought to know this. You believe you should know it. Yet it isn't there- you don't know the answer. Until.
Maybe it happened while you slept. Or your mind had seemingly led the problem aside for a moment. Until.
Until you knew the answer to the problem - you knew the tactic to take to solve it. Or you finally identified what the root cause was and were able to plan the steps to resolve it. But suddenly, instantly and unquestionably, you knew. Many times we can't explain how we know - we just somehow know.
Consider beauty.
We can define beauty, we can talk about beauty. We can contrast the concept of beauty with ugly. We can give examples of what is considered beautiful, reciting what we have heard from others. But until we experience something beauty, it is only an abstract concept for us. A hollow world without tone or quality; it is something but it is not a part of our world. Yet.
But when we experience beauty (not just observe it), it changes everything about the word for us. Suddenly and eternally, beauty becomes a part of our life. Its absence is noticed, mourned. Its presence celebrated.
So, how do you know something is beautiful or creates beauty? Can you quantify it? Define it using absolutes? Create a definition for it that will allow one with no experience with it to read and then understand beauty?
Some things are simply known, in and of themselves, apart from the rules which seek to govern all the other aspects of our lives. And that is the absolute joy of faith, which can only be a gift.
posted by Kurt at 10:06 PM
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