Conditional Love
I love reading mel's stuff. Her (sometimes brutal) honesty and frankness are refreshing. Her willingness to speak her mind on her blog, regardless of what comments it may engender, makes those of us that read her, treasure her. I also find many times that she and I will mostly agree on things. I also know she doesn't take it personally if someone disagrees with her.
I have been thinking a lot of her recent post about wanting to be loved unconditionally. As usual, I am touched by her words. I am empathetic to her emotions and I share her frustration with seemingly having to conform to someone else's ideals in order to feel loved. I, too, want to scream, "if you loved me, you would love me no matter what."
And yet, isn't that the exception that proves the rule? Doesn't that attitude demand the same changing of another in order to satisfy my desires? Aren't I putting conditions under which I will accept being loved and therefore love?
I am coming to the realization that it is impossible for us (humans) to love with no conditions. While I believe in my heart that I love my children unconditionally, I wouldn't be honest if I said I could absolutely guarantee they could never cause me such anguish that feeling love toward them would be absolute. I have already had conversations with Hannah where I told her, "Hannah, I love you more than anything, but I don't like you right now."
How many of us parents have ever felt the stab through the heart when our child (usually in the midst of the "terrible twos") screamed, "I hate you!" after being denied whatever immediate gratification they wanted. Did they mean it? You bet they did - at that moment at least. Yet we still want to believe that our kids love us unconditionally.
I admit to having, on occasion, intentionally saying or doing things for revenge or to hurt someone. I don't think that makes me a bad person. Or that unusual. It doesn't happen very often. But isn't that hateful? Does that exemplify unconditional love? Anger would not let me have unconditional love in every circumstance. Anger is an emotion; I don't believe we can control our feelings. We can influence how we act on our feelings.
Almost all of the comments on mel's post (there were 13 a little while ago) were supportive of her point of view. I think we all were wishing things COULD be unconditional, both giving and receiving love. I think some pets, ok dogs, are capable of loving us unconditionally. But I think their affection can change, as can their loyalty. Cats think we are useless except for providing food and changing the litter box (some pretend otherwise, but I know they are still cats).
So, I'm left the day after Easter pondering again the one example of unconditional, unchanging love I have seen. He is risen.
I have been thinking a lot of her recent post about wanting to be loved unconditionally. As usual, I am touched by her words. I am empathetic to her emotions and I share her frustration with seemingly having to conform to someone else's ideals in order to feel loved. I, too, want to scream, "if you loved me, you would love me no matter what."
And yet, isn't that the exception that proves the rule? Doesn't that attitude demand the same changing of another in order to satisfy my desires? Aren't I putting conditions under which I will accept being loved and therefore love?
I am coming to the realization that it is impossible for us (humans) to love with no conditions. While I believe in my heart that I love my children unconditionally, I wouldn't be honest if I said I could absolutely guarantee they could never cause me such anguish that feeling love toward them would be absolute. I have already had conversations with Hannah where I told her, "Hannah, I love you more than anything, but I don't like you right now."
How many of us parents have ever felt the stab through the heart when our child (usually in the midst of the "terrible twos") screamed, "I hate you!" after being denied whatever immediate gratification they wanted. Did they mean it? You bet they did - at that moment at least. Yet we still want to believe that our kids love us unconditionally.
I admit to having, on occasion, intentionally saying or doing things for revenge or to hurt someone. I don't think that makes me a bad person. Or that unusual. It doesn't happen very often. But isn't that hateful? Does that exemplify unconditional love? Anger would not let me have unconditional love in every circumstance. Anger is an emotion; I don't believe we can control our feelings. We can influence how we act on our feelings.
Almost all of the comments on mel's post (there were 13 a little while ago) were supportive of her point of view. I think we all were wishing things COULD be unconditional, both giving and receiving love. I think some pets, ok dogs, are capable of loving us unconditionally. But I think their affection can change, as can their loyalty. Cats think we are useless except for providing food and changing the litter box (some pretend otherwise, but I know they are still cats).
So, I'm left the day after Easter pondering again the one example of unconditional, unchanging love I have seen. He is risen.
posted by Kurt at 5:24 PM
3 Comments:
superb post. and since you've said it all so well I won't put up my usual 5000 word diatribe....
and He loved in the face of anger and hatred as do You and I.
you can love without being in love. you can fall out of love and still love. you can not vote for the guy and still love him. you can give your heart, mind, body and spirt, for a lifetime, to her, and love me. you have the capacity, as does He.
for You are love.
unconditionally.
Unconditional??
Hello.
Ten Commandments!!!
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