It's Not the Banter; it's the Tribalism

I read this essay in the NY Times, In Defense of Teasing. In it the author points out all the benefits of teasing, and how, as usual, we throw the baby out with the bath water in our attempts to eliminate bullying. What struck me as I was reading was how we try to resolve a complex issue by attacking a singular symptom. He writes how teasing is a form of making social connections. And is used in denoting social rank. We got me to thinking how for the those of high status, their teasing of very low status folks is just maintaining the social pecking order. Which wouldn't be harmful if it weren't malicious and was a means of inclusion -- making social connections. If it were simply about establishing boundaries, even if those markers were exclusionary, it would still be benign. "We're the in group and you're not part of it." We convey messages of power in all sorts of ways. Not an issue. Where it has become a real problem is that the social connection between the powerful and the powerless has evolved past the point of declaring the weak as social non-entities to delivering the message that even their humanity is in question. We are more concerned with the welfare of stray animals than we are the homeless and vulnerable. The message begins to be delivered in elementary school, gets firmly planted in middle school, and is set in concrete by high school. And sadly, we the adults, are the ones who establish it and reinforce it with out children. How often do you in subtle and not so subtle ways join your children in marking their tribal boundaries. "Burger flipper" "Trailer trash" "Drama Queen" "Nerd" "Geek" and even simply "Loser" Think about it.